i suspect

my unconscious self is
afraid of everything
falling apart. somehow i started to
believe that fear was the string
needed to hold everything together.

that
that tension would
keep everything in place. if
i just worried about it enough,
everything would be just
fine & dandy.

i didn’t know that fear needed me to survive,
not the other way around.

i didn’t know that i need change
like i need air.

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on cleaning house

“Pulling back every once in a while to see how far you’ve gotten is also important, ‘because you can see your accomplishments within the big picture, instead of measuring yourself against the larger, scarier reality.'”

The Power of Small, Why Little Things Make All the Difference

i wish

in the morning, that I could pour my tiredness into a sparkly capsule and drink it at bedtime.

in the night, that I could pour my energy into a cup and drink it with my breakfast cereal.

–  childhood thoughts

I wish in the times I felt hopeless / depressed / scared – 

I could remember how wonderful it is to be alive, all that I have access to,

to create, to do, to experience & give.

– Oct 27, 2016