Bravery felt like…
agony, for the longest time.
like a jostling of waves in a water-balloon-of-a-heart,
holding a shipwreck, exploding, contained only by the pale pink latex of its walls.
It felt like spiraling into a bad dream you choose,
on a pillow case overstuffed with doubt,
and waking up to find like a cat,
it was sitting there — on your face — every morning,
for a year.
It felt like running to the window with stubborn persistence,
to find the sun –
perpetually dressed, in a black cloak.
“It was chic,” he said. “It was magic,”
It felt like opening the door to find that you’re not much starter than he,
you left the house in a scratchy thick sweater,
made of butter,
It honestly felt like…
everyone in the “world” was doing the “normal” thing,
I(t) felt like, giving up, like coming up short.
It was an argument. A fight.
It felt like this, in fact — until it didn’t.
When I realized “normal” was black and white,
and I wanted to go chase the rainbow.
And then. Ha. And then…
it felt like the breaking of dawn.
Like the fullest breath I’ve ever dared to take, again and again.
Like walking to the ocean. Like taking a hike.
And then… I felt like doing it again.